Abusive Relationships in "The Great Gatsby"

Was Tom and Daisy’s relationship abusive? Was Daisy and Gatsby’s relationship abusive? Did these relationships reflect relationships of the time period?

Yes, both Tom and Gatsby’s relationship is abusive in different ways. This also did reflect some of the relationship behaviors of the 1920s.

Tom and Daisy’s relationship and why it was abusive. Tom put every kind of abuse on Daisy. You can tell Tom was an abusive person because of the way he acted towards other women, such as Myrtle. “Some time toward midnight Tom Buchanan and Mrs. Wilson stood face to face discussing, in impassioned voices, whether Mrs. Wilson had any right to mention Daisy's name. "‘Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!’ shouted Mrs. Wilson. ‘I'll say it whenever I want to! Daisy! Dai ––’Making a short deft movement, Tom Buchanan broke her nose with his open hand.” (Fitzgerald 1925) There is another scene at dinner when Daisy infers that Tom may be abusive to her. “‘Look!’ she complained ‘I hurt it.’... ‘You did it, Tom,’ she said accusingly. ‘I know you didn’t mean to, but you did do it.’” (Fitzgerald 1925). Daisy thinks she is bragging about her “brute man” but she’s actually showing how abusive Tom is. Tom’s tendencies with Myrtle show that he is probably the same way with his wife. Usually if someone has abusive tendencies with other people, they are most likely abusive with their spouse. "An abuser will beat any partner if the individual is involved with the abuser long enough for the cycle of abuse to begin. Circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality." (Abuser Tricks). Tom also isolates Daisy which is a form of abuse. "An abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by severing the victim's ties to outside support and resources. The batterer will accuse the victim's friends and family of being 'trouble makers.' The abuser may block the victim's access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home." (Abuser Tricks). Also when Daisy said that Tom hurt her finger, she was practically telling everyone that Tom abuses her, but without actually coming out and saying it. Daisy may not even realize that she is in an abusive relationship but she does know that the relationship does not make her happy.

Accurate..

Daisy and Gatsby’s relationship could have also been abusive but in different ways that Tom and Daisy’s was. Gatsby was not physically hitting Daisy or verbally putting her down but he was very controlling with her and tried to take control of Daisy’s feelings. Gatsby walked over and stood beside her.“‘Daisy, that’s all over now,’ he said earnestly. ‘It doesn’t matter any more. Just tell him the truth — that you never loved him — and it’s all wiped out forever. She looked at him blindly. ‘Why — how could I love him — possibly?’ ‘You never loved him.’She hesitated.” (Fitzgerald 1925). This quote shows that Gatsby is trying to control her feelings. He’s trying to change her mind and make her say that she never loved Tom, even though she knows that’s untrue. Gatsby’s obsession with Daisy could also be seen as abusive. Gatsby makes his entire life about Daisy. He gets money for Daisy, throws parties to get Daisy to pay attention to him, bought his house across from hers, and centers everything he does around getting Daisy back.

Gatsby expects too much out of Daisy, which can be abusive. An abuser expects the victim to meet all of the abuser's needs (Abuser Tricks). Gatsby’s obsessive behavior with Daisy can also be seen as abusive. Gatsby also begins to stalk Daisy by knowing everything about her. "Stalking is a form of dating violence in which the victim is under constant surveillance." (Revilla 2015). 

I think they meant "Truly obsessed with her". Still a bad moral though.

These relationships reflect the reflect the relationships of the time period. A lot of people didn’t know about all of the types of abuse in this time period. Jordan and Nick also don’t see much of a problem with Tom and Daisy’s relationship and Gatsby and Daisy's relationship. Nick and Jordan know that Tom and Daisy’s relationship isn’t great but they don’t seem to be too alarmed by it, when they should be. Nick did tell Daisy to leave Tom a few times, but he wasn't too concerned about telling her to get out of the relationship because Tom was abusive. (Fitzgerald 1925). Domestic violence wasn’t taken very seriously in the 1920’s. “All states made 'wife beating' illegal by 1920. However, only since the 1970's has the criminal justice system begun to treat domestic violence as a serious crime, not as a private family matter.” (Cheryl 2002). Not a lot of people knew about different types of abuse also. Types of abuse and warning signs of abuse were not advertised until recently (Cheryl 2002).   

I mean if they were advertising stuff like this, they probably weren't too concerned with healthy relationships.

Someone might argue that “Tom and Daisy’s relationship wasn’t abusive, you never saw a scene when Tom hit Daisy!”. That is true, we did never see a specific scene when Tom hit Daisy but we did see multiple scenes when Tom was controlling Daisy. Abuse isn’t just hitting your partner. It can be multiple things such as control, isolation, obsession, guilt, etc. (Smith 2016). “‘Sit down, Daisy,’ Tom’s voice groped unsuccessfully for the paternal note.” (Fitzgerald 1925). This scene shows Tom trying to control Daisy’s behavior. Tom knows that Daisy is scared of him so he orders her around knowing that Daisy will obey. "Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences." (Smith 2016).

In conclusion we can see that Tom abused Daisy in many different ways, Gatsby’s obsession and control over Daisy could be seen as abusive, and both of these relationships reflected how relationships were in the 1920’s. Abuse isn’t always just hitting or punching, it can be in many different forms. Everyone should know the warning signs of abuse and the different types of abuse. Every kind of abuse is just as difficult to deal with as the other. If you know someone in an abusive relationship getting them help and supporting them is the best thing you can do.

Works Cited:

"Domestic Violence and Abuse." : Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships. N.p., n.d. Web. 31 May 2016.

Fitzgerald, F. Scott. "The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald." : Contents. N.p., 1925. Web. 31 May 2016.

"New Hope for Women." New Hope for Women. N.p., n.d. Web. 31 May 2016.

Revilla, Lauri. "Warning Signs of a Dangerous Obsessive Relationship."LIVESTRONG.COM. LIVESTRONG.COM, 24 Apr. 2015. Web. 31 May 2016.

Smith. "Deadly Abuse Cycle Starts with Obsessive Control." West Palm Beach News. N.p., n.d. Web. 31 May 2016.Smith. "Deadly Abuse Cycle Starts with Obsessive Control." West Palm Beach News. N.p., n.d. Web. 31 May 2016.